A Christmas Wish List for Writers

Dear Santa:

Writers who have the courage, creativity, and commitment to write the best books they can and do what they must to make them succeed are the new heroes of the business.  They need and deserve all the help they can get, so I hope you will bring them these gifts:

  • the vision to see problems as opportunities to grow and write
  • the books they need to read both to become experts on the kind of book they’re writing and to establish criteria for their books. As Ernest Gaines, the author of The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman, says: “You can only write as well as you read.”
  • the gift for making words sing
  • enough readers to spot every problem in their work and tell them them how to fix it
  • the support of friends, family, fans, other writers, and professionals in their field
  • goals that challenge their abilities and make them jump out of bed every morning eager to do whatever it takes to reach them
  • faith in their work, themselves, and other people
  • the ability to make decisions that serve their short- and long-term goals
  • the curiosity to learn more, understanding that someday they’ll be able to use their knowledget
  • the means to live but not so well it diminishes their drive for achievement
  • the gift for creating metaphors and titles that ignite interest in their books
  • the spirit of service to their readers, their families, and their communities
  • the dedication to sharing their work so it sells as well as they want it to
  • optimism. It’s been said optimists believe this is the best of all possible worlds, and pessimists fear this is true. But optimism is better for you. 
  • the desire to experience life, because as Philip Roth once said: ”Nothing bad can happen to writer. Everything is material.”
  • the most precious gift of all: the time to read, write, promote, and maintain the balance between them and the rest of their lives

I know I’ve asked for a lot, Santa, but, except for the books, these gifts don’t weigh anything or have to be wrapped. And writers need them to help them use the gifts they already have. Your generosity will inspire some of them to write about you, and you’ll be the hero of their stories.

Yours for the Write Way to Live,

A Hero Worshipper

The Eighth San Francisco Writers Conference / A Celebration of Craft, Commerce & Community / President’s Day Weekend, February 18-20, 2011 / Mark Hopkins InterContinental Hotel on Nob Hill / Keynoters: Dorothy Allison & David Morrell / Pitch your book to agents and editors from both coasts / More than 50 breakout sessions / 100 presenters / www.sfwriters.org  / sfwriterscon@aol.com / blog: http://sfwriters.org/blog / free MP3s at www.sfwriters.info / open to anyone: a day of in-depth classes on Monday, February 21st

New! San Francisco Writers University: Where Writers Meet and You Learn, a project of the San Francisco Writers Conference / Laurie McLean, Dean /  www.sfwritersu.com

A Mythical Agent’s Christmas Wish

Dear Santa:

I know I only deserve coal this year, but is there any way you could send me a perfect author for Christmas? A perfect author is a mythical creature who

  • is attractive, passionate, has a sense of humor, and is a pleasure to be with.
  • is an expert on books by all significant authors of related books.
  • comes up with irresistible ideas and titles.
  • writes out of love for craft and readers, and sees income as validating the books’ value.
  • writes the last draft first in a distinctive, addictive voice.
  • has a network of readers to provide feedback.
  • stays up to date on books, publishing, promotion, and technology.
  • serves a huge, ever-growing community of fans and helpful professionals.
  • has great connections to the events, authors, organizations, opinion-makers in the field and the world of writing.
  • obtains quotes from people who don’t give them.
  • uses technology for promotion, getting feedback, sharing, and learning.
  • provides a promotion plan that assures success.
  • regularly turns out word-of-mouth and -mouse bestsellers, each better and more profitable than the previous one.
  • has a charismatic presence in person and in the media that imbues listeners with contagious passion.
  • promotes with grace and relentlessness.
  • is impeccably professional.
  • under-promises and over-delivers.
  • writes books that are sold in other forms, media, and countries.
  • anticipates shifts in readers’ tastes and interests, and satifies them.
  • always wonders how to do anything more creatively.
  • inspires the best efforts in an agent, editor, and publisher, and is faithful to them.
  • sells so well booksellers always have stock and never return it.
  • expresses gratitude so generously that people are always eager to help.
  • is dedicated to becoming a more effective author and finding new ways to serve readers better.
  • balances

            * writing and promotion

            * time spent online and off

            * personal and professional obligations.

  • accepts the inevitability of problems and solves them.
  • is such a paragron of virtue that Lady Luck bestows her blessings.

Many thanks for granting my wish. I promise to do whatever I can to be a good person and a perfect agent.

Yours Truly,

A Mythical Literary Agent

P.S. If you can’t make a perfect author, a unicorn would be nice. And with a unicorn, you don’t have to worry about returns.

The Eighth San Francisco Writers Conference / A Celebration of Craft, Commerce & Community / President’s Day Weekend, February 18-20, 2011 / Mark Hopkins InterContinental Hotel on Nob Hill / Keynoters: Dorothy Allison & David Morrell / Pitch your book to agents and editors from both coasts / More than 50 breakout sessions / 100 presenters / www.sfwriters.org  / sfwriterscon@aol.com / blog: http://sfwriters.org/blog / free MP3s at www.sfwriters.info / open to anyone: a day of in-depth classes on Monday, February 21st

New! San Francisco Writers University: Where Writers Meet and You Learn, a project of the San Francisco Writers Conference / Laurie McLean, Dean /  www.sfwritersu.com